I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
Today I grieve the loss of many things. I've lost so much in this life and gained so little in comparison to show for my existence. My sorrow for Joo has quickly been replaced with resentment for her choices. Her death lays on my hands alone as it should have from the day I met her. She was the only person in my many years since Jace to truly understand me and remains the only person to know everything about me. I will truly miss her. I managed to save one life that night and though I fear I will never feel his love again I can exist knowing he is still living. I cannot express the regret I have for putting him through this and the hate he now he feels for me. The way he looked at me before he left showed me that he would never feel the same about me. I've never seen him so emotionless. He;s right I should have kept on running before and never looked back but living without a heart is more painful than living with a broken one. I am unfeeling and completely alone in this world without my heart and soul. So without a purpose I find myself wandering Europe with the one thing I have left, an odd thing for him to give me, an ipod. As I lay on our beach yesterday I heard my love behind me for the shortest fraction of a second and I turned to find the replica of the ipod we bought together when we first met. All the music from my laptop uploaded on it already and a quite a selection I'd never heard before. I planned to suffer in silence but I cannot deny music especially if it was from him, it will be the only thing that keeps me existing now as I walk through the hell I've created.
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